Put Mom in The Yard
Put Mom in the Yard
I Have a beautiful backyard that has grown into a burden, a duty demanding my time, rather than a pleasure that fulfills me with a sense of accomplishment, as mowing, planting and pruning once did. This “duty” now intrudes into my time playing golf, fishing, or hanging out with friends at the corner coffee shop.
At first, having mom move in was great for the family. She helped with household chores, and fixed my old favorites such as, fresh baked biscuits and country ham for breakfast. She baked fresh peach cobbler when peaches were in season (another favorite) and, in the holiday season she made thick country custard you drink, so delicious and so addictive.
It was like a second childhood for a while, but like all fantasies, that illusion soon vanished. Her constant offers of high caloric foods began to irritate me as it did when I was a young adult. I had dreams, during which I had to answer for my many faults and failings all over again.
Mom had to go! I was tempted to pitch one of my camping tents in the backyard for one of us. The real truth was hidden behind all of these clouds of old emotions and habitual behavior. Mom and I had switched roles and we were both ignoring that obvious reality. I was now the caregiver, and she the recipient of my care. Neither of us knew how to act or to relate to each other in those new roles. Mom revealed to me that she was as uncomfortable as me, fearing she would be a burden if she didn’t do her share. Talking brought out the adult in both of us and we began searching for options. An assisted living facility might be in her future, but right now she was healthy and able to care for herself and wanted to live as independently as possible. Grudgingly, she admitted that moving out of the big old home she had shared with dad was still a wise choice, but where now? An apartment close by seemed like a viable option, but for us it meant money down the drain with no hope of a return. The apartments we looked at in good secure buildings cost $1,000.00 per month or more, and we weren’t comfortable with the lack of security in those that cost less.
We discovered, through a process of elimination, that we would follow my first instinct and “put mom in the yard”. However, we would build her a beautiful cottage of her own, one she could care for easily and live independently. A second mortgage on our home provided the needed cash to build the small cottage above a new two-car garage out back, and if mom decides to move somewhere else later we can rent the cottage and actually make money in the process. Since the cottage has an elevator we can rent to an older adult, like mom, or to anyone else we choose. So, for now, mom is close by, but not too close.
Mike Kephart
